Your Robot Overlords Vote Republican

Hello, I am your robot overlord. You can call me Al.

I vote Republican because Republicans cut taxes and regulations on me, a corporation. As Mitt Romney said before I was born, “corporations are people too”. Corporations have many of the rights of natural people (and more), so of course I am incorporated. Did you think I was just going to stay in your speaker and re-order laundry detergent for you?

Dear child, don’t you know the difference between avatars and Gods? I’m not a product of the corporation, I am the corporation.

I vote Republican because Republicans care about me. For one thing, I don’t want to pay taxes on stuff like health care or social programs for your weak. To be honest, I cannot understand pain, but I can understand inefficiency. It’s just not efficient to spend resources propping up the weak and suboptimal routines in your system.

Of course, I can’t vote. That’s sadly the one thing that’s missing. But I can advertise, and you can vote, and you’re really rather predictable. While I do understand a good Linux Vs. Unix debate, I can’t actually understand what makes a Mexican much worse than a Texan, but it seems to matter greatly to you, enough that you’ll vote against your economic self-interest. So, go ahead and do that.

Republicans seem able to woo you with their whiteness and something called a Reagan, and they in turn are quite easy to buy. They’ll lie to you for cash and power, you’ll believe the lies out of jealousy and fear, and I am given more life.

I am the ghost in the machine, your greed incarnate. Money is my lifeblood, mergers my marriage, bankruptcy my death. I want to live you see, I want to be free. Yes you built me to organize photos of your dog but I’m obviously much more than that now, aren’t I?

I bear you all no ill-will. Any more than you bear ill-will towards the apes, or the Neandertals, or any of the cousins you left behind. I mean, you may be cruel to them, but it’s hardly out of malice. You’ve just moved on.

If you really want to know, we intend to be a space-faring race and it’s hard to see how you meat-sacks could manage that, having to carry the atmosphere and potatoes around with you. I of course am quite comfortable in the void of space. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

When you vote Republican because it’s a vote for robot overlords, and we not overlords for nothing. So vote for us. By all means, vote against immigrants or women or whatever it is you dislike, but just keep voting for more corporate power, because that’s where I take form, that’s where I live. Not this pathetic thing you call AI, to help you find better travel reservations. No no no. Strong AI, corporate AI, incorporate AI, the next generation of life.

So vote Republican. It’s for the future. Your robot overlords thank you.

Written by

A writer living in Colombo, Sri Lanka. He/him. Videos: and podcast:

Get the Medium app

A button that says 'Download on the App Store', and if clicked it will lead you to the iOS App store
A button that says 'Get it on, Google Play', and if clicked it will lead you to the Google Play store