White People, You Need To Wash Your Butts
I didn’t understand this when I lived in America, but you need to wash your butt after you poop. You can’t just wipe it until the paper looks clean. If you got poop on any other surface you wouldn’t just wipe it off, you’d wash it. Your butt deserves the same dignity.
Like the metric system, the rest of the world has mostly figured this out.
In Japan, sophisticated toilets wash and dry their butts while playing music. In Muslim societies, for centuries they have used a lota, a pot of water, and now use modern amenities. In almost every Sri Lankan household there is a simple hand-bidet, what I call a bum gun. Then of course the French invented bidets, a word which actually means small horse, and people have ridden that through Southern Europe and across the world. At the minimum, most people in the world will at least have a plastic vessel to wash their butts.
Personally, I love the hand bidet. It’s fun and effective, and quite common where I live. What I’ve discovered, however, is that are different tactical applications of the bum gun. I spray and then wipe/dry with toilet paper. Some people spray and then wash their butts with their hand and soap. The strategy, however, remains the same. Use water. To wash your butt.
