Investment Advice For The Apocalypse

Get right with god, with the earth, and with your community

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Modern Buddhist wheel, via Tricycle: The Buddhist Review

My world has already ended in Sri Lanka and soon enough yours will too. This is investment advice for that future, things I wish I knew. None of this will actually save you from suffering and indeed, the most important lesson is ‘fuck you’. We fundamentally have to get away from the individualistic idea of investing—which just leads to more suffering—and take a much wider view.

1. Long-Term Investments: Heaven

In the long run, we’re all dead, so the wise apocalyptic investor keeps treasure in heaven. Sages like Jesus and the Buddha said to give up everything. The Holy Quran says “Allah has made interest fruitless and charity fruitful,” the opposite of all earthly investment advice. Given that we are entering an apocalyptic accounting period, it’s best to take sage advice.

I try to hedge my bets by worshipping everyone with the same level of neglect, but obviously find what works for you and your cultural context. It’s known that god is with the poor and suffering and that the meek shall inherit the earth, so best to be with them. It’s also best to offer some sort of sacrifice and to feed ancestors, the most ancient investment methods which we tend to forget.

Every religion and moral system loves a giver and hates a hoarder, so give as good as you get. It’s best to see helping the less fortunate not as charity which makes you a great person but as karmic debt that makes you marginally less shit.

Simply giving treasure away is the oldest and most ignored investment advice and also the best.

2. Medium Term Investments: Earth

If you—like me—can read the above and consult every holy book and still think ‘yeah, but I like my shit’ then this next advice is for you. As the fake economy collapses, the real will persist and even profit. That means land, food, water, natural resources, anything tangible and real. You can hold these things through contracts and deeds, but remember that these are all magic spells that can break in an instant. Possession is nine-tenths of the law, so prioritize whatever you can physically hold and care for.

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Indrajit (Indi) Samarajiva is a Sri Lankan writer. Follow me at www.indi.ca, or just email me at indi@indi.ca.